8

The door bell brought me out of the livingroom, where I been picking a new book to read. I grabbed the money I had set aside for pizza and opened the front door. 

"Hello! That was fast..." My words dried in my throat as I comprehended who was at my front door.

"Jamie."

"Hello, Amy."

Jamie was at my door. Holding a pizza?

"What...?"

"Sorry to startle you. This is yours" he said trying to hand me the box, "the end of your driveway was too much for the pizza delivery car. He started to get stuck, I was driving by and offered to deliver it since my truck does pretty well in the snow," he gestured behind him at a black truck with giant tires.

I was still gaping at him, all the while in the back of my mind berating myself for reacting this way and embarassed I had spent mych of the day thinking about him.

"You did order a pizza, right?" he looked worried again, apparently I needed to stop spacing out before he decided I really was insane.

"Yes, yep, pizza," shaking my head to get a grip on myself, "Yes, I ordered a pizza. I didn't realize about my driveway, thanks for telling me. I would have hated not realizing that until I tried to drive out. Thanks for bringing in the pizza, pizza night would have been very sad without the pizza part," i said, finally reaching for the pizza. He handed it over with a smile and I placed it on the table by the door. 

"Anytime" he said, while I tried to decide if I should invite him in or if I was bonkers to even consider it.

"Oh! You must have paid the pizza guy, I have money for it here, how much did you give him?" I leaned forward with the money in my hand stretched out.

"Nothing, no worries. It's f-"

I interrupted, "It's not fine, if you paid the pizza guy for my pizza then I owe you!"

"Really I don't mind, it's one pizza" he was shaking his head, emphasizing he didn't want my money. 

"I can't let you pay for my pizza, I have to pay you back!"

"Why?" Said simply and quietly, it made me look up from his shoulder where I had been staring in order to not get lost in his green eyes.

"Why? Well, I have to, that is what you do. We don't even-" I caught myself, realizing I would sound rude. I didn't want to be rude especially after he'd stopped to deliver my pizza and put up with me while standing in the cold.

"Ah! Come in! I can't believe I let you stand in the cold," I pressed a hand to my shaking head as I stepped back so he could enter.

He hesistant a few seconds and then stepped in. I shut the door behind him.

"Okay, I am so sorry, I don't know what has gotten into me, I should never Have let you stand in the cold like that while arguing about money," I said with a chagrinned smile.

"Really, no worries. Cold doesn't bother me very much. But honestly I am happy to treat you to pizza. Really, I would feel weird taking your money," he said this with an earnest expression and I couldn't help but smile.

"This still feels weird but I don't think I can discuss it any longer with that pizza calling to me," I said laughing,"...would you like to stay for dinner?"I asked it seriously, because it was a big deal asking a man to have dinner with me. It didn't matter that I didn't have romance in mind, I had asked thinking it would make up for him paying for the pizza and maybe get to know him.  But it felt like more. 

When I finally looked up he was smiling. The smile stole my breath, it was his smile. Charlie's smile. No. This man was not Charlie. Charlie was gone, lots of men could have similiar smiles. Maybe that is why he feels so familiar. 

"I would love to!" Still smiling.

7

Back in the house, I pulled off my now wet layers and left them piled on the floor mat. Chilled, I grabbed the lighter off the mantle in the livingroom and started piling logs and old newspapers in the fireplace. A few minutes later it seemed to have caught well. Grabbing the fluffy blanket I kept on my reading chair, to wrap around my shoulders, then went back in the kitchen. I filled the teapot with water and turned on the stove to start it heating. Turning to a dripping mess by the door, I scooped up my wet outerwear and hung it all on the drying rack in front of the fire. By this time, I could hear the teapot starting to whistle and got a mug, a tea bag a honey from the cabinet. The earthy fragrance steamed up out of the mug as I poured the water. Two good squeezes of honey went in next and a spoon to stir as I walked to the now cozy livingroom. I pushed open the green curtains covering the windows that spanned one wall of the room and then climbed into my comfy chair. The chair was an oversized poof ball, so that it swallowed you up as you sank into it, cozy and comfortable. It was situated in the corner of the livingroom between the fireplace and the bay windows, so I could look out the window or at the fire.

Cozy and content now that I was warming up, my mind was left to wander. Jamie. I felt like kicking myself, he shouldn't be the first thing I think of. It felt like I was betraying Charlie, who for almost 100 days now was a constant ghostly companion in my head. I missed him. Ached for him, always wishimg for one more day. One minute more with him.  He was my best friend for the last fourteen years and then suddenly gone. No warning, just there one minute, gone the next. Gone from me forever, never to meet his child. 

"Oh Charlie, I am so sorry," swiping at the tears rolling down my face,"Baby, I miss you so much, why, why?" I asked to the empty room, hunching over in grief and straining to draw breath between sobs. The tea had long grown cold and the fire was only embers when I woke. Checking the clock showed it was 12:42pm. I slept almost two hours! Feeling emotionally drained but a little better after the outpouring of grief, I stirred the fire and put on more wood. Grabbing the cold tea to heat up I headed to make a late lunch of leftover spaghetti.
Jamie continued to be distraction for the rest of the afternoon, interspersed with mental floggings to counter the thoughts about a man who was not my husband. I did not want to be thinking about Jamie but he felt so familiar, I kept returning the the things he said and how he said them. It was difficult to get that mornings encounter out of my head.  Eventually I sat down with a draft of a book I was editing. I had already gone through the copy three times, but a fourth time wouldn't hurt. It was due this upcoming Friday so I had five days.  Most weeks I got through my workload without needing to work weekends so my decision to work the last few hours of my Sunday was made purely knowing that it would fully distract me.
The alarm I set, so I wouldn't work through dinner, startled me from the pages in front of me.  Three hours of work had flown by without any real comprehension and my stomach let out a gurgle to make sure I knew it was time for dinner.  Sunday was pizza night, since most Sundays were spent relaxing before the next work week and pizza was only making a phone call, it fit well.  Grabbing my cell phone from the charger in the kitchen where I had put it on silent, I noticed call from my mom whose voicemail said she was checking in and text from my sister:

"How'd you make out the latest storm? You got enough food? You get cleared out okay? I have tomorrow off and most likely Tuesday too(SNOW DAY!! I guess they need to clear off the roof so it doesn't collapse and smush us all!) if you want to get together?!"
Mom called most sundays and we catch up on the week before so knowing it wasn't urgent I called in  a veggie pizza and then responded to my sister,

"Fin, for a baby sister you worry abour me an awful lot. The storm was pretty small (at least compared to the blizzard last month!) only a few inches. And I didn't have to shovel! I woke up this morning to find a shoveling angel had cleared it away for me! Haha. And I'd love to see you!!"

I pressed send and then went back to the office to tidy up my work stuff. I sent out a quick email letting the office know I work from home Monday and maybe Tuesday and that I was ahead of schedule for the three drafts I was currently proofreading. I shut down the computer and turned off the light. 

As I walked into the kitchen my phone beeped twice to let me know I had a text:

"I always worry, Ames, I love you and miss you! I hate that it has been so long! I actually finished grading this weeks tests an hour ago so if you don't mind, I could grab my stuff and head over tonight? Be there about 9 if that's okay?"

I texted back, "Of course! Leave now! I can't wait two hours!!"

The phone beeped before I could put it down, "I will be in the car in 10 minutes!"

"Yay! Drive safe! See you soon :)"

Excited now at the unexpected surprise, I wasn't sure what to do with myself.